


Nightmares

by TrustCompany88



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Blue Team Bonding, Gen, Late Night Chats, post-season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 04:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20790380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrustCompany88/pseuds/TrustCompany88
Summary: In which Wash has a nightmare, Caboose and Tucker talk about what gives Wash nightmares, Caboose actually has eighteen sisters, and the reason Caboose hates babies is finally revealed.





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> For the longest time I've wondered just why Caboose hated babies. And then I started to think of just what could make a baby terrifying in the eyes of Caboose. Which is how this happened.
> 
> Also, I was planning to post this one since the beginning of the year. Sadly, I have so many flash drives that I store my work on that I lost this one. I finally found it earlier tonight and I hope you all enjoy this short story!

Quiet nights weren't exactly rare at Blue Base, but they were definitely fewer since Tucker and Caboose "adopted" a Freelancer. Well, more like Caboose wouldn't shut up about keeping a deranged Freelancer because Church just couldn't stop following the past even though he had perfectly good friends to help him out like they have for as long as they've known him. Which is whatever at this point.

The actual point is that Agent <strike>Dramatic</strike> Washington had nightmares. And honestly, Tucker expected the man to have way more than he did. Strangely, Wash only had a nightmare like once every two weeks. Which is why both Tucker and Caboose were sitting in the kitchen of Blue Base at 3:12 in the morning. They both learned early on to not try and wake up the paranoid Freelancer. Because who in their right mind sleeps with a knife under their pillow in the middle of a not war/war with the Reds?

...Okay, so that was obviously a dumb question.

What Tucker really wanted to know though, was just what did Washington have nightmares about? Were they about his past? Or were they stupid things like everyone else has? Like spiders or zombies or ghosts and other shit like that?

He knew he was going to regret it, but he just had to ask someone, "So... what do you think Wash's nightmares are about?"

Caboose was silent for a few minutes, like he was really thinking about the question. Tucker knew better though, Caboose hadn't even processed the question yet. And when Caboose finally opened his mouth to answer, Tucker knew his foreshadowing about regretting this was about to come true, "I think... maybe... he has nightmares about... babies."

He was starting to wonder if it was possible to channel Church even though he wasn't technically dead, because God. Fucking. Dammit. Caboose! "Really Caboose? Babies? Please tell me you're fucking kidding."

Caboose just looked at him with the most serious expression that Tucker had ever seen on his face. Which was pretty impressive considering that Caboose had been possessed by O'Mally, "But Tucker! What if Agent Washington is afraid of babies?! If he is afraid of them then he could have nightmares about them!"

"Jesus Christ, Caboose! He's not you!" His exasperation at this conversation could have been palpable for all he knew. And then his curiosity got the best of him because he's wanted to know the answer to this for years now, "Just why do you hate babies so much Caboose?"

For a moment there, Tucker could have almost thought that Caboose was a normal person that hadn't gotten fucked over by an AI because of the flat expression on his face. The one that says 'do I really need to explain this to you like you're a two year old?' and for a second he kind of felt like one. Well, until Caboose answered anyway, "My sister showed me a movie once where they jumped. I had a, um... bad dream about them jumping at me."

"Are you fucking serious? Dude, babies don't jump and I've never even seen a movie where they did," Tucker really wanted to know just which movie gave Caboose the idea that babies could jump. Unless it was something like _Chucky_, there was no fucking way, "What fucking movie are you even talking about?"

"The one with the spandex man and the clock. And the pretty lady that is lost in that one place with the really high walls," what. The. Fuck? Tucker wanted to know just what kind of fucking movies Caboose's sister watched. He was even betting that someone had to be pretty fucking stoned to even come up with a movie like that. 'Cause seriously? High walls and a spandex man?

Wait a minute... that actually sounded a little familiar. Weren't there like, goblins or some shit in that movie? And then it hit him, "Are you talking about _The Labyrinth_?"

"Yes! That is the one! My sister watched it all the time! And when I told her that I had a bad dream about the baby, she was really mean and made me watch it with her every time. She is dead to me now and I don't talk about her," Caboose said in a serious voice and Tucker had to hand it to him, that was actually a legitimate reason to be afraid of babies. Except for the fact that the baby never jumped in that movie. The Goblin King was actually tossing him up in the air.

"You do know that the baby never jumped in that movie right? The fucking Goblin King was throwing him," Tucker said before remembering what Caboose just said, "And seriously? Does this mean that you actually have eighteen sisters?"

"No. I have seventeen sisters. I do not like to talk about people that are dead to me and they do not count," Caboose paused and Tucker wasn't sure if he was going to answer his question about the movie or not, "Yes. I associate throwing with jumping. So, babies can jump."

Jesus Christ. He was never going to understand Caboose logic. Tucker decided that it was best to just let that one go. He was already having enough of a problem processing the fact that Caboose had eighteen fucking sisters. Bow chick bow wow! It would be kinda hot if they all actually were fucking each other. And now he was off track. Damn it.

"You know what Caboose, I'm gonna give you that one. You actually have a legitimate reason to be afraid of babies."

"I know. Do you think Agent Church is afraid of babies too?" Not this shit again.

"Nah. I think Wash has nightmares about Epsilon before he became Church," it made sense from what Grif had told him about their adventure before Wash became the bad guy.

"Why would he be afraid of Church? Church is the best!" Yet again, Caboose logic. Church is a fucking dick.

"What the hell are you two doing in here? Get back to sleep!" Wash yelled at them from the doorway and Tucker casually got up and walked back to his room.

Maybe now he could finally get some fucking sleep. But it hadn't been all that bad being awake with Caboose. He learned some pretty interesting shit about the man. And the next time Caboose blamed something on him, he knew exactly how he was going to get back at the Blue soldier. It couldn't be that hard to find a file of that movie to watch on their next movie night, could it?

Turns out that it was. He couldn't find a copy of _The Labyrinth_ no matter how hard he tried and Caboose still blamed everything on him. Sometimes, Wash even believed Caboose and punished him for whatever Caboose broke.

Fuck this team. They all fucking sucked. Tucker was pretty sure that he would be channeling Church for a long ass time with the way things were going.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah _The Labyrinth_. My mom loves that movie and I did actually grow up watching it. The Fireys are my favorite. But sadly since I'm older now, I can't watch that movie without being very aware of David Bowie's spandex pants. One time I watched that movie with my friend and her mom. Her mom had never even thought about it until I said "Let's go watch David Bowie in spandex pants". After the movie she told me that it was the only thing she could focus on during the movie.
> 
> In all seriousness, I do love David Bowie and wish he was still around. I just can't take him serious in that movie anymore.


End file.
